Being a Better Friend to Someone with Cancer: Practical Ways to Offer Support

Supporting a family member or friend through cancer can be challenging, especially if you’re unsure of what to say to someone with cancer. While every person’s experience with cancer is unique, there are some universal ways to be a supportive and caring friend. Here are practical tips on how to truly help someone going through cancer, beyond just offering words of encouragement.

1. Show Up Consistently

Consistency is key when supporting a friend with cancer. Even a consistent short positive message for a cancer patient or simple uplifting words for cancer patients can go a long way. It’s common for friends to offer help right after the diagnosis, but true support is needed throughout the entire journey, even during those quieter moments when treatment may stretch on for months or even years. Whether it’s a quick text, a phone call, or a visit, small acts of connection can mean the world.

• Practical Tip: Schedule regular check-ins. Mark it on your calendar to reach out every week or month. Even a simple "thinking of you" offers encouraging words for a cancer patient and goes a long way. 

2. Offer Specific Help

Instead of saying, "Let me know if you need anything," offer specific types of help. When someone is facing chemotherapy or cancer treatments, they may not have the energy to figure out what kind of help they need. By offering something concrete, it takes the burden off them.

• Practical Tip: Try saying, "I’m free to drive you to your appointment next week." Being specific helps your friend know exactly how you can support them. 

3. Be a Good Listener

Sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is simply listen. A person with cancer may not always want to talk about their illness, but when they do, it’s important to listen without offering advice or trying to “fix” things. Let them share their fears, frustrations, and feelings without judgment.

• Practical Tip: When your friend opens up, resist the urge to respond with advice. Instead, say things like, "I’m so sorry you're going through this," or "That sounds really tough."

4. Be Flexible and Patient

Cancer treatments can be unpredictable, and your friend may need to cancel plans at the last minute due to fatigue, nausea, or other side effects. It’s important to be understanding and not take it personally.

• Practical Tip: Let your friend know that it's perfectly fine to cancel or reschedule plans as needed. A simple "I’m here whenever you feel up to it" can ease their worries about disappointing you.

5. Help with Everyday Tasks

The day-to-day demands of life can feel overwhelming for someone going through cancer. Offering to help with routine tasks can be a huge relief.

• Practical Tip: Offer to do laundry, pick up groceries, or clean their house. Even taking care of small tasks, like watering plants or walking their dog, can make a big difference.

6. Support Their Emotional Well-being

Cancer can take a toll on a person’s emotional health. Offer support by encouraging your friend to take care of their mental well-being.

• Practical Tip: Send a thoughtful card, share uplifting quotes, or offer to watch a favorite movie together. If your friend is open to it, suggest activities like meditation, journaling, or even seeing a counselor.

7. Respect Their Boundaries

While it’s important to be supportive, it’s equally important to respect your friend’s boundaries. They may not always want to talk about their diagnosis or treatments, and that’s okay. Be mindful of how much they want to share, and don’t push for details.

• Practical Tip: Ask questions like, "Do you feel like talking about how things are going?" or "Would you rather focus on something else today?"

8. Remember Milestones and Anniversaries

Mark important dates on your calendar, such as the day they finish treatment or their "cancerversary" (the anniversary of their diagnosis or remission). Celebrating these milestones shows that you’re walking alongside them through the highs and lows of their journey.

• Practical Tip: A simple text or small gift on these significant days can remind your friend that they’re not alone, even after treatment ends.

9. Be Sensitive to Their Physical Needs

Cancer treatments often come with physical side effects, such as fatigue, pain, or hair loss. Be mindful of your friend’s energy levels and physical comfort during visits or outings.

• Practical Tip: Keep visits short if your friend seems tired, and ask if they’re comfortable before planning activities. Sometimes, just sitting quietly together can be enough.

10. Take Care of Yourself Too

Supporting a friend through cancer can be emotionally draining. It’s important to take care of your own mental and physical health so you can continue being a source of support.

• Practical Tip: Make sure you have your own support system in place. Don’t be afraid to talk to someone about your feelings as you navigate this journey with your friend.

Being a good friend to someone with cancer is about showing up, being present, and offering support in thoughtful, practical ways. It’s okay if you don’t have all the answers or know exactly what to say to someone with cancer—your willingness to help is what matters most. By offering consistent, compassionate support, you can make a meaningful difference in your friend’s life during a difficult time.